


Always Come Back For You

by Rory_writes



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, POV Kevin Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27210211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rory_writes/pseuds/Rory_writes
Summary: Kevin has abandonment issues that run deep to his core, and sometimes he worries Andrew and Neil will remember they loved each other without him first.Aaron is kind of a jerk, but he doesn't mean to be.Mildly out of character I guess?
Relationships: Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 17
Kudos: 151





	Always Come Back For You

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt by @criswisstuff on Tumblr! I saw their text post about Kandreil angst because of Kev's abandonment issues and ran with it! 
> 
> TW: Abandonment issues. Panic attack. Lil bit of violence mentioned? 
> 
> This is unedited because it is 12.15am and I am tired, also this fic was like emotionally too real for me and I didn't want to re-read it so if it is trash I am sorry!

Kevin knew that he had issues. He knew that his upbringing had left him no choice other than to have problems deep down to his bones. Scars he wore on his skin, and scars that went deeper and hurt more to touch and prod. He was better than he used to be, he’d been a Fox for three years and he had a dad for the first time in his life, a team that was crazy but not groomed to ruthless insanity, and he had Neil and Andrew. A support network, people who actually cared about _him,_ who believed in _him,_ who wanted what was best for _him._ He knew that all of them, with maybe the exception of Andrew, wanted the best Kevin could give them on the court, but that was all. They just wanted his best. They didn’t want him to kill himself to be the best, they just wanted him to try his best, and that was a world of difference to what he’d known. He was happier than he ever thought he’d have the right to be, but that didn’t change the fact that something deep inside Kevin was broken. He could feel it when he was alone at night, or anytime, really, that he had time to sit and think and feel. A hollow loss- a nearly paralysing fear- that he really was worth nothing, meant nothing to the people he cared about, and that he would never be good enough for the people he loved to stay around. Every day felt like he was waiting for this family he’d built around himself to see who he really was, see him how he saw himself, and walk away from him. He’d tried to tell Betsy this, in one of the forced sessions he’d been to, and she’d tried to help him reconcile his deep-rooted self-hatred with his narcissistic tendencies. Apparently, it was possible to think you were a worthless, broken piece of shit, and also think that the world and the people in it owed you its best because that’s what you aimed for. The best. Go figure.

“Hey, asshole, you ready to go?” Neil’s voice snapped Kevin to their dorm room where he was standing.

“I… yeah,” he said, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. Neil narrowed his eyes, coming into the room on quiet feet.

“What?” He asked, standing in front of Kevin, face upturned and eyes searching. Kevin raised his eyebrows and shrugged innocently. “Don’t be stoic, Kevin. What were you thinking about?”

“’Stoic’? You’ve been reading Andrew’s books,” he commented. Neil ignored that in favour of narrowing his eyes.

“Talk to me,” he said firmly. Kevin felt something slot gently into place inside his heart, a comfortable, fond feeling and his lip twitched in a smile. “Don’t fucking smile at me.”

“I can’t help it,” Kevin shot back, letting himself smile fully. Both of Kevin’s boyfriends sometimes reminded him of small, angry puppies. As intimidating as they both could be, as feral and vicious as they were capable of, they were both so small and neither of them would ever turn their savagery on him. Neil could bitch, moan and glare, but he was harmless to Kevin and Andrew, and that just made him cute with his curly auburn hair and bright blue eyes. “I love you,” he murmured. It was probably not entirely healthy how easy it was for his mood to be lifted out of its depressing spiral just by the appearance of his boyfriend, but he clung to it anyway.

“Are you okay?” Neil asked, but his voice was softer and his expression smoothed out as he reached up to cup Kevin’s cheek. Kevin tried not to feel the usual twinge behind his ribs that happened every time Andrew or Neil skirted around saying _I love you_ back to him. Love was a foreign concept to all of them, and he knew it was harder for the pair of them to say it back, to show it in the same ways that others do, and he knew that they did love him, but it still struck a tiny flutter of doubt and fear in him when they skirted around the words. Kevin had latched onto the words, to saying it to them, the minute he knew it to be true.

“Better now,” Kevin said, turning his face to press a kiss to Neil’s palm. “Shall we go?”

“No,” Neil said, pushing his fingers into Kevin’s hair and pulling him down to kiss him. Kevin put his arms around his waist and felt the shorter man rise up on tiptoe to meet his mouth, his torso stretching out under his hands. Kevin liked it, feeling his boyfriend’s eagerness to kiss as he reached up. It was something only Neil did because Andrew was too stubborn and kept his feet firmly planted on the floor if they kissed standing up. Kevin had picked Andrew up once and nearly had his ripped out of the back of his head as Andrew’s panic instinct kicked in. They didn’t try again, which was fine, Andrew would rather hoist himself onto a countertop, table, or the back of the couch, or make Kevin bend down.

“Now can we go?” Kevin asked when Neil pulled back.

“Yes, can we?” Andrew drawled from the doorway.

“Sure, we were just waiting on Kevin to stop brooding,” Neil said lightly. Kevin flicked his earlobe and Andrew flicked them both an unimpressed look before turning and walking down the hall. This was familiar, this was safe. Kevin kissed Neil’s cheek quickly before the pair of them chased after Andrew who was waiting at the open front door with Nicky and Aaron.

*

Eden’s Twilight was loud, as was the very nature of nightclubs, and it reverberated through Kevin’s core as he sat at the table with his boyfriend’s. They were bickering at each other in Russian or German, and Kevin was content to drink steadily and watch them. At one point, Neil paused to stare incredulously at something Andrew said before laughter bubbled out of his mouth and it was Andrew’s turn to stare incredulously. Nobody believed them when Neil and Kevin told people that Andrew pouted, but as Neil laughed at him, Andrew pushed his lower lip out just a little.  
“What did you say?” Kevin asked, nudging Andrew in the ribs.

“Nothing,” Andrew grumbled. “I’m getting more drinks.” He slid from the barstool and pushed his way through the crowd, leaving Kevin to frown after him, starting to feel a little concerned.

“What happened?” He asked Neil who had his lips still curled up in an amused grin.

“Nothing important,” Neil promised him, but the dismissal from both of them sunk into Kevin’s mind, his heart, and he swallowed against the hurt and doubt. He knew they didn’t talk in German to deliberately cut him out of their conversations, but when he was staring off into space in crowded places, they switched languages so that it was easier to distinguish their words from the chatter around them. Still, something inside Kevin started screaming at him. _They’re hiding things from you. They don’t want to talk to you. Andrew just walked away from you. Neil doesn’t want to explain because you don’t really matter to them. They love each other more than they could ever love you.  
_“Kev,” Neil said gently, touching the back of Kevin’s hand where it was gripping a glass on the table between them. “He called me a toad in German, and it took me by surprise. It really was nothing, I promise.”

“You are a toad,” Kevin said, but he let go of the glass and flipped his hand over so Neil could take it. When he had his slim, long-fingered hand in his own, Kevin tugged until Neil dropped from his own stool and stood between his knees. Kevin smiled and brought Neil’s hand behind his neck, letting go so Neil could bury his fingers in his hair. Neil did so, and when he had a good enough grip, he tugged sharply, eliciting a quiet moan of pleasure out of Kevin’s mouth as he pressed a kiss to Neil’s jaw. Kevin hadn’t meant to give Neil and Andrew that secret, the key to unlocking Kevin’s surrender and pleasure, but they’d found it on their own terms a while ago and Kevin was weak to it. He felt Neil’s smile against his cheek and moaned again, this time in frustration. When Neil’s pliant, eager-to-please mouth found Kevin’s the frustration melted away. Andrew had his sensitive neck, and Kevin had his hair pulling, and Neil had this. He just liked doing the things that made his boyfriends react.

“Get a room,” Andrew snapped, placing a tray of drinks on the table. Neil pulled back with a laugh, turning between Kevin’s legs and making as if to move back to his seat, but that voice in Kevin’s mind said _no, making him stay, don’t let him walk away, he won’t come back._ As if on instinct, Kevin trapped Neil between his thighs by holding on tighter. Neil didn’t seem to mind, just made a surprised noise at the resistance and then leaned his back into Kevin’s torso, shutting up Kevin’s internal anxiety.

“Our room is your room,” Neil quipped. Andrew shut him up with a quick kiss before settling back up on his stool. Kevin reached for a drink and Neil said something smart to Andrew who snapped back and off they went again, teasing and snarling at each other, but Kevin noticed that they kept in English for his benefit. He had nothing to contribute, but he kept one arm wrapped around Neil’s front as he drank.

“Why do you use Neil like a teddy bear?” Aaron asked, coming back to the table utterly sloshed.

“Because Andrew wouldn’t let me,” Kevin shot back.

“I’m also not a toy,” Neil pointed out. Aaron squinted like one did when too drunk to see clearly and held his arms up as if embracing an invisible person.

“He’s always holding onto you as if he’s scared that you’re going to leave him,” he said, dropping his hands to his sides. Andrew threw a wadded-up napkin at his twin, which Aaron was too drunk to bat away in time and it hit him in the face. “I’m not wrong!”

“Fuck off,” Andrew snapped. “Where’s Nicky?”

“How the fuck would I know?” Aaron demanded. “This isn’t ‘My Cousin’s Keeper’.”

“It’s a shame fratricide is frowned upon,” Andrew mused.

“So is matricide, didn’t stop you though,” Aaron replied. Neil and Kevin both froze, Neil holding one hand up in Andrew’s direction in a pre-emptive warning and Kevin was ready to grab Aaron should he need to. Aaron and Andrew were bonding- or at least, healing- because of their sessions with Betsy, but Aaron still had a defensive, brutal anger and Andrew was, well he was Andrew. They were brothers after all.

“Easy,” Neil said, tapping Kevin’s leg three times. It was technically a ‘safe word’, the three taps, but it wasn’t one that had originated in their bedroom. With Neil and Kevin prone to panic attacks and Andrew’s non-verbal tendencies, they’d worked out a handful of signals that communicated what they needed. Three tap was a very simple ‘let me go’. Kevin pulled away, parting his legs to let him out, and Neil slowly crowded into Andrew’s space, daring to tug on a lock of his hair. “Let’s go check on Nicky, yeah?”

“Off you pop,” Aaron slurred, waving his hand at them. Neil tugged Andrew’s hair again when their boyfriend bared his teeth. In turn, Andrew flicked a look at Kevin, a question to see if he would be fine there alone. When Kevin nodded, Andrew’s gaze hardened in a warning he stay put.

“Go, I’ll stay here,” Kevin said. Andrew nodded and slid from his stool, letting Neil take his hand and they walked together through the crowd towards the dance floor. Kevin watched them go. Watched as Neil laughed and twirled himself under Andrew’s arm while Andrew rolled his eyes and tried not to smile. Kevin knew Neil was just trying to distract Andrew from the conversation with Aaron and he smiled to himself as they disappeared down the stairs onto the dance floor. He reached for his drink and realised Aaron was watching him. “Can I help you?”

“How does it work?” Aaron asked, jerking his chin in the direction Neil and Andrew had gone.

“Huh?” Kevin replied eloquently.

“The three of you, how does it work?”

“Oh,” Kevin said, understanding again. “It just does?”

“No, but like, I’m not trying to be an asshole I do genuinely want to get it. Like, I don’t know man…” Aaron was too intoxicated to be making much sense, but he was clearly trying and Kevin floundered under the attention. “Don’t you ever get scared that they’ll realise they worked without you too? Like, don’t you worry they’ll want that back?” The words drove knives under Kevin’s skin, sliced his chest open to display his deepest fears and insecurities. The voice that screamed so loudly woke up and laughed. _He’s right. He’s right. He’s right._

“No, it’s not like that,” Kevin said urgently. Aaron shrugged and turned his attention to the glasses.

“I don’t know, man, I think if I was you I’d be worried,” he muttered. Kevin’s skin felt too tight. The club felt too loud. The air felt too hot. He didn’t need to hear that from Aaron. He already _knew._ He was already _scared._ He lurched to his feet, the table shuddering at the onslaught of movement, and Aaron startled. “Hey! Andrew’s gonna lose his fucking mind if you aren’t here when he gets back!” He yelled. Kevin ignored him. He needed to get out. He needed to find quiet. He needed to _breathe._ “Scratch that, he’ll lose his mind and then he’ll fucking kill me if you aren’t here!” Aaron sounded annoyed, but Kevin knew he wouldn’t follow as he fled from the club. He hit the concrete sidewalk and his knees felt like jelly, but he made it around the side of the building before they buckled and he slid to the ground, holding his legs to his chest and pressing his face against his denim-clad thighs. He couldn’t fucking breathe. He needed to breathe.

_They love each other more!_

_No! They love me too!_

_Liar, you know that’s not true._

_It is true. It is true. It is true…_

_They’re going to leave you._

_No, they won’t!_

_They just did! They walked away from you and left you behind!_

_It wasn’t like that!_

_Weak. Pathetic. Unlovable._

_Why can’t I fucking breathe?_

Kevin couldn’t escape his thoughts. He couldn’t get a full lung of air. He was completely alone outside a club, sitting on concrete speckled with weeds. Abandoned.  
_Oh god. Abandoned again. I can’t do this. Unimportant. Worthless. Not. Good. Enough._  
If Kevin could get enough air, he thought maybe he’d cry.  
Then there was pressure on both of his wrists. Familiar. Known. Real. Their signal for _I’m here. Come back. You’re safe._ It was used when PTSD episodes sent one of them so deep into a sensory memory or flashback that they couldn’t be reached, or a panic attack filled their heads with static and cotton wool. A hand went to the back of his neck, and another hand tangled in the hair at the back of his head.

“That isn’t how you breathe, Kevin,” someone said quietly on his right.

“You’re going to hurt yourself, Day. Snap out of it,” someone said on his left. Neil and Andrew. There was a sharp tug in his hair and Kevin gasped at the pain, oxygen hitting his system and making him dizzy.

“And again, Kev,” Neil said. Kevin took another shuddering breath, but with his face pressed in the denim, it didn’t help anything. The hands on his wrists pulled his arms away from his legs and then his knees were being straightened while the weight on the back of his neck pushed him forward.

“Breathe, Kevin,” Andrew snapped. Kevin did. He inhaled so deeply he choked, and his wrists were let go of so he could cover his mouth and face.

“You came back,” he spluttered out when he got a grip on his voice. Neil let go of his hair and Kevin felt a strong grip on his jaw a moment before his head was pulled to the side, so he was staring into Andrew’s face. He was angry. Really angry.

“I thought it was just that one who was bad at following instructions,” he bit out, jerking his chin at Neil.

“Drew,” Neil said in a warning.

“Don’t ‘Drew’ me,” he snapped, turning his attention on Kevin again. “What happened?”

“Aaron, he…” Kevin tried to explain, but Andrew’s nostrils flared as he physically fought to keep his control.

“I know what Aaron said, he told me. What happened to you? Why are you _here_ right now?”

“I don’t,” Kevin began, but his breathing hitched as he valiantly fought off another panic attack in the face of Andrew’s anger directed at him. “You left! I panicked! I don’t know!” He snapped back.

“Drew, let go,” Neil said firmly, and Andrew dropped his hands from the back of Kevin’s neck and his chin. Neil moved closer, gentle prods and pushes moving Kevin until he was sitting cross-legged facing Andrew and Neil kneeled behind him, so his chest was against Kevin’s back, arms around his waist. “Andrew is not mad at you, okay? You should have seen him start panicking when you weren’t there when we got back to the table. So, while he calms down, you’re going to calm down too,” he said softly. Kevin nodded, but he eyed Andrew with curiosity at Neil’s words. With Neil’s steadier heartbeat against the back of his ribs, Kevin could feel the last of his fear melting out of him and Neil took some of his weight as he relaxed. Andrew crouched in front of him, still seething, but the tension was draining out of his body too.

“We will always come back for you,” Andrew said when the last of the anger and, well, fear, left him and his features settled back to impassive. “I thought you knew that by now.”

“I do, I do,” Kevin whispered. “I just, I can’t always believe that. I don’t know how to explain.”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to explain,” Neil said, his words a promise. “We know it runs deeper than us just walking away inside. We know it’s more.”

“We do,” Andrew agreed, voice tight. “Did I hurt you?” He asked, touching his hand to his own jaw. Andrew hadn’t hurt him, it wasn’t the touch that had touched his fear, but the anger. Anger had always preceded pain, which was followed by abandonment. Always alone to deal with his own despair.

“No, you didn’t,” Kevin said.

“Can I come back?” Andrew asked. Kevin nodded his head, needing his touch. Andrew shuffled forward and put his hand on Kevin’s cheek gently and leaned closer to press a kiss to Kevin’s forehead. Kevin’s breathing hitched, but in a good way this time, and he felt Neil kiss his cheek.

“You’re part of us, Kev. We will always come back,” Neil said against him before turning his head to look at Andrew who pulled back again. “We should take Kevin home now.”

“Yeah,” Andrew agreed. “Home?” He asked Kevin.

“Home,” he agreed in relief. They still wanted him. They were still going to bring him. _We will always come back for you._ Andrew rocked up to his feet and pulled Kevin up, and then Neil.

“You’re just going to leave Aaron and Nicky?” Kevin asked as they turned towards the car, glancing over his shoulder and seeing the cousins standing nearby looking awkward.

“They can walk or catch a cab,” Andrew said.

“Fuck you,” Aaron called over. He had a red mark on his cheek and a split lip and Kevin frowned.

“Aren’t you going to do the mother hen thing? Keep them safe like you do?” Kevin pressed, worried against his better judgement.

“This is for Aaron’s safety, and Nicky will stay with him so they can look after each other for all I care,” Andrew answered, ignoring his twin and his cousin in favour of putting his hand in Kevin’s and gently pulling him towards the car. Kevin realised what he meant by ‘this is for Aaron’s safety’.

“You hit Aaron?” He asked, disbelief colouring his tone.

“No, I did. Once for what he said and a second time for letting you run away,” Neil said, sounding a little smug.

“He would have hit him again, but you were still missing,” Andrew said. Neil snorted.

“Yes, but also because you grabbed my fist,” Neil said. Kevin shook his head at his feral boyfriends, but at least this was normal. Andrew opened the passenger door for Kevin, threw his keys to Neil- having drunk too much to legally drive- and then slipped in behind Kevin’s seat in the back.

“You’re both fucking crazy,” Kevin decided. Neil stopped what he was doing with the keys and looked at him with a toothy grin, and a glance over his shoulder said Andrew was smiling much the same.

“Took you long enough to work out, Day,” Andrew said.

“Not a new observation, just nice to be reminded who I’m dating sometimes,” he said. Andrew leaned forward and kissed his cheek before buckling his seatbelt, and Neil started the car. _We will always come back.  
_“I love you both,” he said quietly as Neil drove them towards the Columbia house. There was a silence that Kevin had to grit his teeth against, but then he felt a hand from behind him curl loosely in the sleeve of his tee shirt and Neil put his hand on Kevin’s thigh.

“I love you too,” Neil promised.

“We both do,” Andrew murmured.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, bookmarks and user subscriptions are pretty cool, but no pressure. 
> 
> I also have Tumblr:  
> @shippinggayandallthatjazz  
> @andrew-is-foxy  
> @tsc-living
> 
> And my cosplay/book related TikTok is @Rae_reads <3 
> 
> Thank you all for reading x


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